December 16th, 2025 Recognize which attractions lead to love or pain.

I will make myself the subject for the exercise.

1. I am the one who left Ali feeling hurt, deprivved, neglected or betrayed.

2. I was not emotionally available. I was wearing glasses that she didn't like. I didn't say thank you to waiters and I expected good customer service and critized those who didn't privide it. I was not transparent all the time.

3. Those around her would characterize the relationship of deprivation. I treated her poorly by making fun of her.

4. She probably had others who behaved poorly.

5. She is probably attracted to a well travelled, adventrous, kind person like herself.

6. She felt small, diminished, critizied and out of connection with me.

7. Ali’s core gift is her capacity for deep, tender connection. She is brave enough to keep loving, to keep hoping, and to keep trying to repair , even when relationships are complicated. She brings warmth, curiosity, and adventure into people’s lives and invites them into a bigger, more vivid world.

May I never again make someone I love feel small, diminished, or unsafe in order to protect my own ego or comfort.

December 2nd, 2025 Everyone is capable of positive change.

Ethan has apologized so many times, but the apologies didn’t really land.

He deeply regrets not seeing Ali’s triggers, especially when he didn’t validate her feelings.

He deeply regrets scrolling on his phone instead of being present.

He has regretted each moment of his bad behavior over the past year. In desperation he told Ali that maybe they could turn it into a learning moment, a way to understand each other better. He wanted them to see each other more clearly and accept each other as whole people, not just the parts that were easy.

He didn’t thank his partner very often. He rarely showed gratitude. He thought people in a long-term relationship didn’t need to say “thank you.” He believed Ali knew how much he appreciated her, even if he didn’t say it out loud. He didn’t actually take her for granted, but he never showed her that.

He also made a lot of assumptions. When Ali said she was seeing a therapist, Ethan was insecure and anxious about seeing a therapist himself. He just jumped to conclusions instead of asking what she really meant. If he had slowed down and simply asked her, he might have learned that she was trying to get closer to him, not judge him.

He noticed the moments when Ali had pure joy. It showed up most clearly when she was in nature. Those moments felt really good. He savored them and believes she did too. He hopes she felt safe, that her dreams felt alive, and that it wasn’t just about him enjoying it. He thanks her for those memories. He isn’t sure if that joy is her gift or his. Maybe it’s his, because he’s the one who feels special and fully present in those moments, but he also knows he couldn’t feel that without her.

He really did feel that way. Those were real gifts. She may have thought he didn’t value them, or that he diminished them.